


i see the light surrounding you, so don't be afraid of something new

by em_23



Series: the kids aren’t alright [4]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, F/M, M/M, Multi, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27122629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/em_23/pseuds/em_23
Summary: “I was anxious and then I got possessed, and it didn’t get any better.” Nick smiled at Alex who was sitting across from him at the table, his headphones in his ears to make it seem like he was speaking on the phone instead of the empty space in front of him.orAfter being possessed by Caleb, Nick learns that possession leaves a mark.
Relationships: Julie Molina/Luke Patterson, Julie Molina/Nick, Julie Molina/Nick/Luke Patterson/Reggie, Nick & Willie (Julie and The Phantoms), Nick/Luke Patterson (Julie and The Phantoms), Nick/Reggie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: the kids aren’t alright [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1970626
Comments: 15
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

For someone who’d only been possessed a little over seven weeks ago, Nick was doing relatively well. 

He’d started to settle into their ‘interesting little relationship’ Luke had called it, his words returned by Julie’s laugh. It was comforting, having two people that he could turn to, and then their interesting relationship changed again when he realised that he had feelings for Reggie.

It had been another awkward conversation, he’d been concerned about how Luke and Julie would react to the situation, but sitting down with them on the couch in the studio and explaining that he’d felt the same pull in his stomach that had been evident with the two of them, towards the bassist. 

There’d been a long silence and then they both smiled, glancing between each other with a look that seemed like relief. 

Things had been great since then, spending his time with Luke, Julie and Reggie, the four of them sharing touches and kisses and just spending time with each other, it felt like that part of himself that had been taken from him had returned in the form of two ghosts and Julie. 

They spent most of their time in the studio, Nick leaving a toothbrush in the bathroom and a pair of clothes to sleep in, left in the chest of draws in the loft. They spent their time watching movies, playing their instruments, Nick sitting on the couch watching the four of them jam out and write music, drawing their inspiration from their time spent together and the world around them. 

Nick had been looking forward to that evening, after the lacrosse game against Glendale he’d be heading to Julie’s and the plan was to watch a movie, one that they hadn’t been able to decide on and then the band were going to start preparing for their next performance, which was the following night. 

As he lined up on his mark, stick in hand, he turned it in his gloved hands, waiting for his teammate to obtain the ball from the centre of the field so they could score. He pushed forward once the ball was in his teammates stick, eyes fixed, he dodged one opposition player, surging forward and feeling invincible until he felt another player crash into him, a sickening crack sounding in his ears as he fell back against the ground, his helmeted head connecting hard with the ground and his vision going black. 

He wasn’t sure how long he was out, but woke to the bright fluorescence lighting of a hospital room, dressed in a white hospital gown and feeling like he’d been hit by a bus. 

“Nick?” He heard his father speak, a hand moving to push his hair off his forehead and out of his eyes. 

He blinked his eyes open, taking in a breath and wincing at the pain in his chest. “Dad.” He breathed, glancing up at the brunette before closing his eyes again, trying to keep his breaths shallow so he didn’t irritate his lungs any further. 

He felt his Pa lean down and press a kiss against his forehead, reminding him of when he was a child and that’s how they’d tuck him into bed, pulling the blankets up to his neck and both of his father’s kissing him on the forehead. 

“You really had us worried, Nick.” He spoke again, a hand settling on his cheek before he heard his father sit down. 

“Where’s Dad?” Nick blinked his eyes open slowly, glancing around the room, noticing the stark white and smell of disinfectant that filled the air. 

“Trying to get a flight from New York.” 

“He doesn’t have too, it’s not that big a deal.” Nick moved his hand to his chest, resting it over the place that hurt the most as he tried to sit up a little. 

He felt his father's hand press down against his shoulder, preventing him from moving, “You need to rest, Nick.” 

He nodded and relaxed back into the bed, his mind immediately agreeing that sounded like a great idea. 

When Nick woke the second time, he still wasn’t alone, a familiar blond ghost in a pink hoodie standing over him, worry evident in his eyes. 

“Hey.” He rasped, clearing his throat, thankful the lights in the room were now dimmed, it must have been late. 

“Hey.” Alex responded, sitting next to Nick on the bed and glancing around the hospital room. 

“Are the other-” 

“No.” The drummer answered simply, “They wanted to come and see you, but Julie thought that it might be a good idea if we give you some space.” 

Nick raised an eyebrow and relaxed back into the pillow, “This doesn’t look like space.” He joked lightly. 

Alex ducked his head at the comment, his hands moving to the pocket on his hoodie, “I thought you could use the company, I told the guys that I was going to see Willie.” 

Nick appreciated that, he felt like his head was stuffed with cotton and his neck ached, as much as he wanted to see Reggie, Luke and Julie he didn’t want to worry them. “Thanks.” 

Alex stood at the sound of the door opening, moving away from the side of the bed and to the corner of the room as the lights were switched back to bright. 

Nick’s eyes remained on Alex while the doctor walked in, followed by both of his parents. 

His Dad moved immediately to him, leaning in to kiss his forehead and then squeeze his hand. 

“You didn’t have to come.” Nick spoke, closing his eyes and pulling the hospital blanket up further.

“Of course I did.” He answered simply. 

“We ran a few tests.” The doctor spoke as both his parents sat down on either side of the bed, he wondered where his sister was. “Standard precaution with a head injury, which you do have, a moderate concussion, as well as three fractured ribs.” 

When he opened his eyes to the room, he couldn’t see Alex, he presumed that he’d returned to the studio, or gone to find Willie like he’d told the others. 

Nick paused as he watched the doctor shift awkwardly, glancing back down at the chart in his hand before looking between both of his parents.

“When we did the chest x-ray, it appears there’s a mass on your liver, we’d like to surgically remove the mass, and then biopsy the tissue to rule out cancer.” 

Nick watched both of his parents pale at the use of the word, he couldn’t remember when his mother had been diagnosed, or what her prognosis had been when she’d been told she had breast cancer, but he felt an awful feeling settling in his stomach and he wished that Julie, Reggie or Luke were with him. 

“When?” He questioned, finding his voice before either of his parents. 

“We have you booked in for tomorrow morning, the surgeon will be in soon to discuss further.” 

The room was silent when the doctor left, both of his parents staring at the floor, trying to process the information that they’d just been provided. 

His Dad was the first to recover, standing from his seat and moving to sit next to him on the bed, holding his hand tightly within his own. “We need to remain optimistic.” 

Nick wondered if remaining optimistic had helped his mum, the obvious answer being no. 

“Come here, Chad.” His Dad spoke again, holding out his hand for his Pa and squeezing tightly when they held hands. “We get through today, and we can get through anything.”

* * *

With new knowledge and the stitched incision that sat below his rib cage on his right side, Nick was discharged from hospital two days after his surgery, both of his parents had wanted him to stay longer, but the doctor had insisted the best way to recover was to get back to normal. 

He didn’t want to go home, instead insisting to his parents that they drop him off at Julie’s, taking his time to get out of the car when they arrived and swinging his backpack over his shoulder, he ignored the concerned look from both of his parents and made his way down the driveway, not stopping at the house like he usually did, but following the sound of music to the studio outside. 

Nick rested his hand on the handle of the door for a few long moments, inhaling, counting a beat and exhaling before he pulled it open and stepped inside, the sound of music fully surrounding him, he smiled at the four of them focused on playing their instruments that they almost missed him walking inside. 

Luke was the first to notice him, glancing up towards the door, fingers strumming at the strings of his guitar, his smile growing at the sight of the blond. 

It didn’t take long after that until the music ceased and Julie had her arms wrapped around Nick, pulling him down and close as she pressed her face to his neck. 

“I am so glad you’re okay.” She spoke, holding him tightly, but not tight enough to make him wince in pain. 

He closed his eyes as he returned the hug, finding solace in the smell of vanilla, chai and lavender, the scent reminding him of days they’d spent wrapped around each other, working on homework, music or watching movies, pressed against each other and joined by Luke and Reggie. 

Reggie was the next to surge forward, his hug slightly rougher than Julie’s, but over the several weeks he’d grown accustomed to hiding his flinches and discomfort due to his anxiety, and the pain medication he was on certainly helped. 

He was held tight by the bassist, like he was going to disappear and Nick let out a small laugh, pretending that the motion didn’t cause him immense discomfort. 

“Hey.” Nick greeted, his hand moving to smooth back through Reggie’s hair once they pulled away from each other, watching the way his eyes searched his body, like he was looking for any obvious signs of injury. “I’m fine.” He reassured, the words feeling like tar on his tongue. 

He was anything but fine, the biopsy result had returned malignant, meaning that it had been cancer, settling on his liver for however long. The surgeons had managed to remove the tumour, but he had to go through chemotherapy, to ensure that the cancer wouldn’t appear somewhere else in his body. 

Nick moved to sit down on the black leather couch, immediately joined by Reggie who sat next to him, bass in hand. “If you sit down and play, you can’t rock out at your normal level.” 

The bassist didn’t shift from his position, the only part of him moving was his fingers on the strings of his instrument, knocking his shoulder gently against Nick’s and giving him a smile. 

Nick didn’t speak again, watching the four of them play through the set list that they’d been perfecting for their performances. 

It wasn’t long until Luke had joined Julie on the seat at the piano, book and pens spread out in front of them as they started to work on the chords and lyrics that Julie had mentioned earlier, he loved watching the both of them compose, the way they bounced ideas of each other, if he felt better, he probably would have joined them. 

Reggie had returned his bass to its stand and settled back in his spot next to Nick, leaning against his shoulder, their hands linking. 

“I’m sorry.” Reggie started, voice low. 

Nick glanced at him, confused, “Why are you sorry?”

The bassist was silent for a long moment, “I came and saw you, when you were in hospital.” 

His brow creased, he hadn’t seen Reggie while he’d been in hospital, “I didn’t see you.” 

“I-.” 

Nick shifted, turning to face the brunette and lent back against the couch, “What?” 

“You were asleep.” He continued, glancing over towards the piano, anywhere but at Nick. “You looked, I thought...” He sniffed.

He knew how that sentence was going to end, he probably had looked dead, and while dead wasn’t necessarily a bad thing when you were in a relationship with ghosts, Nick wasn’t sure he had any unfinished business to keep him here with them. 

“I’m fine, Reg.” Nick reassured, his hand moving to Reggie’s cheek, brushing the pad of his thumb over his cheekbone to catch a stray tear, his stomach turning with something that he couldn’t quite identify, maybe guilt? If he told them, any of them, he could imagine how they’d look at him, like he was broken. He didn’t want to be the cause of their pain, not when they’d been through so much already. 

“I just can’t lose you, not now, not after everything has just come together.” Reggie’s voice was so soft that Nick almost missed it. 

He lent forward, wrapping both of his arms around the bassist and pulling him in close, fractured ribs and surgical incision forgotten in favour of reassuring his boyfriend that he was fine, even if it was a lie. 

“You’re not going to lose me.” Nick promised, closing his eyes as he pressed his face to Reggie’s neck, the words resonating within him, he wouldn’t let this beat him.

* * *

Other than his regular appointments with the oncologist and treatment cycle, Nick had been feeling alright, the nausea and fatigue had been manageable, he hadn’t been sick around anyone yet and only his parents knew what was going on. 

Of course, things never went the way he wanted them too, which is how he ended up in the bathroom in the studio, hunched over the toilet as a wave of nausea rocked through him, with the feeling of someone standing behind him. 

“I’m fine.” He ran a hand back through his hair, pushing the strands away from his flushed skin. “Must have been something I ate.” 

“I was there, Nick, in the hallway at the hospital, I heard what the doctor said.”

Nick glanced up at Alex’s words, his stomach twisting with anxiety this time, instead of the nausea that had just racked his body. He had wanted to keep it from them, the last thing that he’d wanted was for them to treat him any differently. 

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, moving slowly to stand up, not wanting to have this conversation with Alex while he was sitting on the bathroom floor. 

He closed the lid to the toilet seat and sat down, his head still spinning and skin still feeling flushed at the sudden bout of nausea. 

“Have you told the others?” He asked, voice soft and hoarse. 

Alex moved to kneel in front of Nick, a hand resting on his knee, the touch moving to ground Nick, making him feel more in the present. “It’s not for me to tell them.” 

Nick inhaled, counting a beat and exhaling as the nausea left him, he’d been warned about it, the nausea and fatigue and everything else that came with cycles of chemotherapy. “But you think I should tell them.” 

Alex was silent, but he already knew the answer and didn’t need the response. 

“I spoke to Willie, about all this.” 

The drummer glanced up at him, his brow creasing at the remark. 

“About others that had been possessed, if there were side effects, what happened to them all?” Nick swallowed, “He only knew a few, three at most, and none of them had survived, that the possession itself had killed them, or they hadn’t lasted long after. At first, when I found out I had cancer, I thought that it was just my mum's genes being passed down, but I think it was from the possession.” 

Alex nodded, looking thoughtful, “Like it’s toxic to lifers, having a spirit in them.” He moved his hand from the guitarist's knee and took his hand, squeezing tightly. “If you tell them, or if you don’t, I’ll be by your side.”

Nick felt his eyes prick with tears at the statement, he’d had friends growing up, but none that sounded as honest as Alex, none that would offer someone like that, being by his side throughout all of this. “T-thanks.” He sniffed, bringing his hand that Alex wasn’t holding to wipe away the tears that had started to roll down his cheeks. 

Alex moved forward, wrapping his arms around Nick and pulling him into a hug, he returned the hug, holding onto the other for a long few minutes before he pulled back and wiped at his face again. 

“I think you’re right.” Nick breathed, glancing away from Alex and got to his feet, moving to wash his hands, avoiding his reflection in the mirror above the basin. “I need to tell them.”

The drummer didn’t speak again but Nick knew his thoughts on the matter.

He steadied himself using the door on the way out, the nausea subsiding in his stomach but the familiar tug of anxiety filling the space. 

He moved out to where the others were, all three of them on the black couch, Julie leaning back against Luke with her legs in Reggie’s lap, they looked comfortable, and they were smiling and laughing at someone on Julie’s phone, Nick glanced back to Alex, he didn’t want to put a damper on that happiness, but Alex just fixed him with a knowing look. 

“Guys?” Nick started, moving to sit on the chair next to the couch, clasping his hands together tightly between his legs as he leant forward. 

Julie was the first to look over, a smile on her face that dropped the moment she saw the look on his. “Nick?” She asked, removing her legs from Reggie’s lap and moving to sit up on the couch. 

He knew how much this would shock them, especially after he’d reassured them that he was fine. 

“I, uh, I haven’t been entirely honest with you.” He started, looking down at his hands, he didn’t want to see their reactions. “When I got injured, playing lacrosse, the doctors did tests while I was in hospital.” He cleared his throat, squeezing his hands together tighter. “They, uh, they found a tumour on my liver, cancer.” 

The three of them were silent. 

“They removed it, and got most of it, but, but I have to go through chemo, to make sure that it doesn’t come back.” It was the first time he’d spoken the words aloud and it made his stomach feel heavy, the ends of his fingers filled with pins and needles, like he was close to a panic attack. 

Luke was the first to move, getting to his feet, stepping over the table and towards his guitar, not picking up the instrument, just staring, Nick could see the tense line of his shoulders through his shirt, the way his hands were clenched at his side. 

All three of them had lost so much, and he felt like he was just adding to that burden, maybe it hadn't been a good idea to tell them. 

Reggie got to his feet, cheeks stained pink and eyes wet, he glanced anywhere but at Nick before poofing out of the studio. 

“I’ll go.” Alex told the room, disappearing after the bassist. 

There was a heavy silence that settled in the room, between the three of them, Julie looking down at her hands, Luke standing stoically in front of his guitar.

Julie got to her feet, tears falling freely down her cheeks, she didn’t glance at either guitarist as she made her way towards the doors, “I-,” She paused to speak, not turning around to face them, “I just need a minute.” 

“I’m sorry.” Nick’s voice was silent, “I shouldn’t have, this was a bad idea, you don’t deserve this.” 

He got to his feet, grabbing his backpack at his feet and moving to walk out the white doors that would take him outside, but was stopped by a hand wrapping around his, pulling him back and away from the exit.

“Don’t.” Luke’s voice was soft, when he turned he could see the way his eyes were red, like he was about to start crying. 

Both of the guitarist's hands moved to his cheeks, thumbs running over his cheekbones as he fixed him with a stare, eyes searching his face. 

“I’m sorry.” Nick felt defeated, letting them down, screwing up what they had, getting injured in the first place and finding out that there was something wrong with him. 

Luke shook his head, “This isn’t your fault. Just give her some time, we’ll be fine.” 

Nick had left Julie’s house after Luke suggested that he give her some space. 

It wasn’t that he’d failed to consider how her mum had died, he’d just been so stuck in the moment that he needed to tell them before he lost his nerve. 

He felt like it was, like all of this had been his fault, starting all the way back with the possession. 

He found himself making his way to the beach, the sun starting to set when he arrived. 

He hesitated when he saw Alex and Reggie sitting on the sand, side by side, shoulders pressed together as they spoke, and he wondered if he should leave, not bother them. 

Almost as if Alex knew he was there, his head turned, eyes catching Nick’s. 

The drummer squeezed Reggie’s shoulder and got to his feet, walking towards the other blond, “You should talk to him.” He said simply, offering Nick a reassuring smile before he continued walking past him. 

Nick was still for a long few moments, trying to gather the courage to go and sit next to the brunette. 

When he sat down next to him, he was silent, eyes fixed on the horizon as the sun set, the colours reflecting off the water of the ocean, making him feel calm and at peace. 

“You said you were fine.” Reggie was the first to speak, not looking over at Nick. 

He exhaled, nodding once, he deserved more than an apology, they all did, hiding his illness from them, pretending that he’d been fine and nothing was wrong. “I’m sorry.” He offered, shaking his head, “You deserve more than that, more than an apology.”

Reggie remained silent for a long moment, staring out at the horizon, “What we deserved was the truth, Nick.”

The words pulled at his stomach, making him feel nauseous, not from the chemo this time but from the panic attack that was surely building, he’d ruined _everything_. 

The bassist shook his head, which caught Nick’s eye and he glanced at him through stinging eyes, “Why didn’t you say something?” 

Nick could have listed off a number of reasons, trying to protect them, trying to protect himself, there were several ways he could get himself out of this situation, but being untruthful had gotten him into this mess, “I was terrified, Reg.” He glanced down at the sand, running his hand back through his hair, “I thought, that if you knew I was sick, that you’d look at me differently, that you wouldn’t want me anymore.” 

Reggie sighed next to him, shaking his head and finally looking over at Nick, his eyes were bloodshot, “Nick,” He continued to shake his head, taking a few more moments before he bumped their shoulders together gently, “This? _Us_? You, Julie and Luke? With you all, it’s the most I’ve ever felt myself, apart from when I have my bass in my hands. I had a family in Luke and Alex before this, and with Bobby, and it was great, then we died and came back and we got Julie and it just made it so much better,” He exhaled, tapping his fingers on his thigh, “Then after Caleb, you could see us, and I started spending time with you and I thought, I want that too, I want you.” 

Nick continued to look at him, the nausea and tightness releasing his stomach, his breathing coming easier. 

“If we have to get through this, which we will, we’ll do it together, like we’re going to do everything else.”

The tears fell freely from Nick’s eyes at the words, “T-thank you.” He sniffed, leaning to press heavily against the bassist, not caring about what others on the beach would think of him leaning against an invisible force. 

Reggie brought his hand up to smooth through his blond hair, “That’s what family’s for.”

* * *

Nick lent back in the high backed chair, closing his eyes as the nurse connected the IV to his central line, ready to pump him full of the drugs that would rid his body of cancer. 

He was on his third treatment for the cycle, which meant that he didn’t have to return to the clinic until the next cycle in a few weeks time, for what would hopefully be the last time. 

He felt someone lean against his arm and opened his eyes to Luke standing next to him, looking down at him with worry evident in his eyes, dressed in his blue sleeveless hoodie and dark jeans, looking out of place in the room where people were in sleeved hoodies and covered with blankets. 

Nick lent forward to his backpack, pulling out his headphones and plugging them into his phone. 

“That’s just rude,” Luke started, settling on the arm of the chair, “Listening to music when I’m right here.” 

The blond gave him a look and put both the earbuds in his ears, glancing back to his phone, “Hey.” He answered the guitarist, “I’d hate for people to think I’m crazy and talking to myself.” 

Luke smiled knowingly and Nick wondered if he’d had this conversation with Julie before. 

The brunette glanced around the room that was filled with similar chairs and others that were hooked up to IV’s. “Smart.” He nodded, turning his attention back to Nick and leaning forward to adjust the grey beanie on his head. 

Nick had started losing his hair two weeks earlier and had decided to shave it off, instead of having clumps fall out at a time, when he was in the shower or brushing his hair, he’d thought that it would be easier this way. 

In response to shaving his head, Luke had given him one of his precious beanies, especially after Nick had made sure that no member of the band was going to shave their head in solidarity. 

“Where are the others?” Nick asked as he settled back into the chair, glancing up at Luke.

“Reggie went to school with Julie and Alex is with Willie, I thought I’d come and keep you company.” 

What went unmentioned was how terrible and disgusting he felt while he was sitting in this nondescript room filled with others who were in the same situation as him, it made him feel weak, but he often had to remind himself what he’d been through, and what he’d gained in the process.

“Thanks.” Nick smiled, taking a few moments before he shifted in the large chair, leaving enough room for Luke to slide in next to him. 

Luke didn’t hesitate, taking the spot next to Nick, even if it was a tight squeeze and wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling up the blanket that was resting on his lap, the blanket his parents insisted that he take with him for his appointments. 

He let his eyes close as he rested into Luke, not bothering to wonder what it looked like to the others in the room, resting against an invisible force, he was comfortable and comforted.

Nick woke to the nurse shaking him gently, pulling the blanket down so that she could unhook the IV from his central line, the bag on the pole empty and the contents filling his body. 

“Hey.” He muttered gently once the nurse had left, nudging Luke gently who’d fallen asleep next to him as well, comforted in each other. 

Luke blinked his eyes open and tightened his grip on Nick for a few moments before he smiled and moved to get up, sitting back on the arm of the chair while the blond folded the blanket back into his bag and took in a few deep breaths before standing, pulling his backpack on and moving slowly out towards where his Pa’s car would be waiting for him. 

“Do you think it’s okay if I come back with you, to yours?” Luke answered, voice small. 

Nick pulled at his headphones, securing them in his ear and glanced sideways at the guitarist, nodding before he could respond, “Yeah, of course, but I’m probably just going straight to bed.” 

Luke seemed content with the answer and poofed next to him in the backseat when Nick slid in. 

The car ride was silent, not wanting to talk to his Pa, but not wanting to pretend he was on the phone either, so he could talk to Luke, the silence was comfortable and his hand was held the entire way home by a warm ghost.

* * *

The day after his third treatment per cycle was always the worst. 

He’d feel nauseous, be unable to keep anything down and had zero energy to do anything except lay in bed and sleep. 

There was nothing interesting or fun about what he was going on and it had him baffled at the amount of movies and tv shows that were based around what he was feeling currently. 

Nick was resting his head against the white porcelain of the toilet, already throwing up for the second time that morning he felt as if he didn’t have the energy to climb back into bed and get warm again. 

He lent further over the toilet again as another wave of nausea rolled through him, his heart racing fast in his ears and skin feeling clammy as he gripped the bowl. 

Warm hands rested on his shoulders as he pulled back, nails scratching at the nape of his neck as he caught his breath, he turned slightly, catching the sight of who’d joined him out of the corner of his eyes. 

“Before you say anything,” Julie spoke, bending down next to him, “I don’t care, I’m staying.” She lent up to the sink and wet a washcloth, kneeling next to him and wiping his face gently, the coolness of the cloth immediately making him feel better. 

Julie waited a few long moments before getting to her feet and holding out her hands to him, “Let’s get you back to bed.” She said as she helped him to his feet, walking slowly next to him as they made their way to the bed. 

Nick climbed into the bed, pulling the blanket up over his body before relaxing back against the pillows, watching Julie as she lent down to her bag and pulled out another bag. 

“Blue gatorade,” the only flavour that didn’t taste metallic to him, “Goldfish,” the only savoury biscuits that didn’t make him feel nauseous and managed to keep down, “and grape jello.” 

The guitarist shook his head, “You didn’t have to, I’m fine. You should be at school.” 

Julie slid into the bed next to him, pulling the blankets up over the both of them, “I spoke to dad, and he said it was fine, even he knows that you’re the worst after your third treatment.” 

Nick didn’t know if he was thankful or regretful that he was so predictable. 

Her hands moved, her fingers lightly tracing down over the bridge of his nose, before she started to lean forward. 

Nick pulled back at the motion, shaking his head, “Don’t,” he breathed, keeping his eyes closed.

“Hey.” Julie’s response was quick and her hand moved to his cheek, holding him in place, “You know that I don’t care that you’re sick, so stop complaining and let me kiss my boyfriend.”

Nick didn’t pull away this time, instead letting Julie press a gentle kiss to his lips before she pressed close to his chest, her hand moving too the back of his neck, resting gently and keeping him close to her. 

“Where are the others?” He questioned, pressing his nose into her hair and pulling her in close to his chest. 

“Causing chaos somewhere, I think Willie was going to show them something, maybe Justin Bieber’s pool.” 

Nick smiled, letting himself laugh softly, “The last thing we need is Justin Bieber finding out about ghosts, could you imagine the next album name?” 

“‘Ghosts in my pool’.” Julie returned with a laugh, the sound making his breath catch in his throat and butterflies filling his stomach, even after all this time she still managed to pull a reaction from every part of him. 

Nick woke to the feeling of someone settling behind him, glancing over his shoulder to see a familiar head of dark hair, Reggie. 

The bassist pushed in close, wrapping his arm loosely around Nick’s waist and slotting their legs together, his hand finding Julie’s under the blankets. 

“Should I even ask what trouble you caused?” Nick asked, his voice soft so he wouldn’t wake Julie. 

“I wouldn’t.” Luke’s voice came from behind Julie. 

Nick shifted slightly, just enough so he could see the guitarist over Julie’s sleeping form and he smiled, feeling content that all four of them were in the bed, pressed close to each other, just like they’d been before he’d been given his diagnosis. 

He shook his head and settled back down into the pillows, resting his arm over Julie and feeling Luke link their fingers together while Reggie pressed in closer to his back, drifting off to the warmth that surrounded him and the reassurance that they were here for him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Reggie**

Nick thought that post possession, his life couldn't get any worse. After the weeks stuck in his own head, alone with his thoughts, he thought that would be the end of his bad luck, but apparently life, and possession had other ideas for him. 

He’d stayed late after school to watch the lacrosse team train. He wasn’t playing, he couldn't, but they’d voted him in as captain and he liked being involved, even if when sometimes he went to demonstrate something, people stopped to watch him to make sure that he wasn't going to hurt himself, or how they made sure that his drink bottle was around and full so if he needed a drink, he didn’t have to risk sharing with someone else, it was the little things that drove him crazy and made him feel included all at once. 

He stepped through the gate and out of the school grounds, adjusting his backpack on his shoulders and pulling his Luke’s beanie down further on his head, it had been a gift, after Nick had started to lose his hair due to the chemotherapy. Luke had gifted one of his precious beanies to Nick, who had rarely taken it off since receiving the gift, no matter the weather outside. He felt that it gave him a bit of normality, that with the beanie on his head he could forget that he’d lost his blond hair that he’d been growing out. 

Throughout his adjusting he almost missed the sight of the bus that was going past, the bus that he was supposed to be on, he swore, walking over to the schedule and looking at the time the next bus would be along and letting out a long sigh when he realised that he’d be waiting an hour for the next one. 

Nick glanced down the road in the direction of where the bus had disappeared to, his house was only a twenty-five minute walk, he’d done the walk at least once a day, five days a week before he’d turned sixteen and his parents had given him a car, so he was sure that it wouldn’t be too hard, there were no obvious hills, it was fairly flat walking and half of the footpath had views of the ocean, meaning that if he needed a break he could stop and admire the waves that he used to surf before he got sick. 

He pulled his AirPods from his pocket, flicking through one of his many playlists and settling on one that Luke had made for him, the shuffle stopping on Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls, he started his walk, glancing at his watch and pocketing his phone, not bothering to send a text to his parents that he’d be home soon. 

Nick had flicked through a few of the many brochures that he’d been handed when he’d received his diagnosis, and then there’d been more when he started chemotherapy, he’d tried hard not to dwell on the side effects, opting to ignore them, because if he ignored them, they wouldn’t happen. 

He sunk into the sand as he sat down, eyes closed, trying to reorientate himself, to not give into the fatigue that was making him feel sweaty and clammy and nauseous, he was fine, this was all in his head. The sand filled his shoes and escaped through his fingers when he closed his hands into fists, trying to get his breathing under control and not continue to hyperventilate like he was doing now. The last time he’d felt like this it had been after coach had the team run suicides, after an embarrassing loss to a team they should have beat. The entire team had collapsed after that, taking their time to catch their breath before they started laughing about something that took their minds off the ache in their muscles. Nick didn’t think he could laugh now. 

He wasn’t sure how long he laid back in the sand, the sound of his breathing and heart loud in his ears drowning out the sound of the waves, he missed surfing, pulling on his wetsuit and disappearing in the ocean for hours, his thoughts quiet and unassuming as he floated on his board beyond the break, looking for the perfect wave. Nick couldn’t tell now if this was just fatigue that was crashing down on him or if the reason his hands were shaking was because of a panic attack that was building in him. 

“Nick?” 

A familiar voice came over the rush in his ears, had he missed the telltale sign of a ghost poofing into the vicinity or had he been too wrapped up in his own panic to notice?

He opened his eyes as a cool hand pressed to his forehead, an arm coming around his shoulders and helping him sit back up so he could get more air into his lungs, “I’m fine.” He muttered, hand finding the ghosts and linking their fingers together. 

“Yeah, fine,” Reggie responded, “Sprawled out on the beach, looking half dead an hour after you were supposed to be home? You’re just fine.”

He could hear the slight unimpressed tone in the bassists voice as he lent against him, his breathing coming easier now that he was sitting up, he could hear the roar of the waves instead of the sound of his laboured breathing now. Nick glanced down at his watch and opened his eyes a little more so he could see the sun that was setting, the sky settling into an array of colours that he was sure he could wax poetry about. 

“How’d you find me?” He asked, his nausea starting to dissipate with the more deep breaths he took, with the feeling of Reggie’s long fingers tracing circles through his letterman jacket on his left shoulder. 

“Do you remember when Luke wanted to find a way to track you so we knew that you got home safe after insisting you were fine to catch the bus?” 

Nick nodded. 

“Julie added us into the same find my friends group, instant tracking.” Reggie grinned, Nick’s eyes drawn to the smile and meeting it with one of his own, he knew that he could never be mad or annoyed or upset when Reggie smiled at him like that, and he was sure the bassist was currently using it to his advantage. 

“That’s unfair,” Nick lent back against the arm that was around his shoulders, taking in a deep breath and being met with Reggie’s familiar smell, his stomach calmed. 

“The tracking?” Reggie smiled knowingly. 

“No, and you know it, don’t play dumb, you’re smarter than me.” Nick rolled his eyes, glancing down at his watch and realising that he was going to miss dinner if they stuck around for any longer, not that he could usually keep much down, or that anything his parents cooked tastes good anymore.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” Reggie got to his feet once he’d steadied Nick and held out his hand for the lifer to take, pulling him up to stand and holding onto him as he gathered his bearings. 

Nick blinked a few times, taking a few moments to steady himself by leaning against Reggie before he nodded, keeping their hands linked as they walked off the sand and back onto the footpath, making it half a dozen steps before Nick shook his head, pulling Reggie back towards him, “I can’t.” 

Reggie glanced around them, stepping back to Nick, both of his hands moving to his cheeks and leaning to press a kiss to his forehead, “You think you can hold onto me?” He questioned. 

Nick nodded, arms moving around Reggie’s neck and holding on tight as he pressed his entire body forward against the ghosts. There was a whooshing sound in his ears, a tingle that ran all the way down his spine and the feeling of Reggie pushing him down on his own bed, his head spinning at the form of travel. 

They’d figured out not not long after his possession that if he was in direct contact with one of the boys he could travel with them, it made him dizzy and breathless, but it was better than the idea of having to walk the remainder of the way home or call his parents to come and pick him up.

He lent into Reggie, keeping his eyes closed as the spinning started to cease, he opened his eyes to look at the bassist. 

“Thanks,” Nick breathed, leaning in close and pressing their foreheads together. 

“Always,” Reggie answered with a small shrug, hand moving to rest against the beanie on Nick’s head, holding him in close as the lifer caught his breath. 

“Are my parents home?” Nick asked. 

Reggie shook his head, taking a few more moments before manoeuvring Nick to lay down when he was certain that he wasn’t going to be sick after their sudden travel, “I spoke to Kitty when I was looking for you and she said that they’d left money for dinner on the fridge as they’d be out late.” 

Nick smiled and laid down, head resting on Reggie’s chest as the ghosts fingers gently pressed against the back of his neck. Telling his little sister that ghosts were real had been hard, but one sight of Reggie with a sheet over his head had her believing and she enjoyed talking to both his boyfriends and Alex, she’d promised them that after each show, when they were feeling strong enough to show themselves to her that she’d paint their nails. Nick opened his eyes and glanced at Reggie’s hand that was laced through his own, the red nail polish starting to chip, “You gonna stick around then?” 

Reggie tilted his head back, looking up at the ceiling of Nick’s bedroom and smiled, “Alex was off with Willie and Luke and Julie were in the studio writing music, so yeah.” 

“Oh, I see how it is,” Nick smiled playfully, shifting just enough so he could look up at Reggie, “I’m your last option?” 

“Yeah! And lucky that you are or you’d still be laying on that beach.” Reggie shifted enough to pull out from under Nick, leaving him to lay on the mattress, “Cmon, baby,” He cooed, moving to take Nick’s shoes off, “I know you’ve missed the ocean, but surely not enough to bring the entire beach home.” He wrinkled his nose at the sand in the guitarists shoes.


	3. Chapter 3

“Are you kidding me?” Nick gasped, glancing around the studio, “You’ve been back for _months_ and Jules hasn’t introduced you to _My Chem_?” 

“My who?” Reggie asked, fingers finding a chord on his bass. 

_“My Chemical Romance.”_ Nick clarified, “They’re from like the early 2000s, but their best album came out 2006, we have to listen to it, please? They’re like such an important part of your musical education, it’s like a whole intro into emo.” 

“Into what?” Luke asked, setting down his guitar on its stand.

_“The Black Parade?”_ Willie questioned from the chair next to where Nick was sitting, he got to his feet, looking to Julie, “You have a turntable, yeah?” 

Julie nodded, “But we’re in the middle of-” 

Willie disappeared with a familiar pop and Julie let out a sigh, shaking her head at Nick but there was a forgiving glint in her eye, “If we play terribly on Saturday night, it’s all on you, Evans.” 

Nick grinned back at her, “Emo music is like overly emotional lyrics?” He answered Luke’s question, “Like pop punk, rock, it’s sick. _Panic!_ is like, or was like emo, their first album was peak emo.” 

“That was the band we opened for at The Orpheum, yeah?” Alex questioned, twirling his drumstick. 

Nick nodded, “Yeah, their new stuff is definitely more pop than anything, but I think that was just because Brendon wanted to go in a different direction and after Spencer left the band…” He trailed off when he realised that he’d almost lost everyone remaining in the room, except Luke who was looking at him with this dazed look on his face, “Anyway, the album is great, the band is great.”

Willie poofed back into the studio, vinyl in hand and walked over to the turntable, lifting up the dust cover so he could play the record, “Ready?” 

Reggie set down his bass, moving to sit next on the floor next to where Nick was on the couch, leaning his head back against his thigh, Nick’s hand moving to thread through Reggie’s dark hair. 

Luke was the next to move, moving Nick’s legs into his lap so he could sit down on the couch comfortably, his hand resting over his ankles. 

“So ready.” Nick grinned, feeling a shiver pass down his spine as the opening beeps of _The End._ played through the speakers in the studio. 

  
  


The mash of guitar, vocals and drums from the end of _House of Wolves_ rang out through the speakers in the studio, the gentle piano chords of _Cancer_ causing Nick to pause his tapping on his knee. 

It wasn’t that he’d forgotten that the song had existed, it had just been months since he’d listened to _The Black Parade_ in its entirety, and he definitely hadn’t since he’d been diagnosed with his post-possession cancer. 

_“Turn away, If you could get me a drink of water ‘cause my lips are chapped and faded, call my aunt Marie, help her gather all my things and bury me in all my favourite colours. My sisters and my brothers, still. I will not kiss you, ‘cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.”_

Willie cleared his throat from the chair next to him, glancing at Nick, recognising the song, and what it was about. 

Of course the boys hadn’t heard the album before, they didn’t know what this song was about, not this early on in the lyrics at least, but he glanced up and felt Julie’s eyes on him. 

Nick sunk back into the corner of the couch he’d settled in, his feet in Luke’s lap, the guitarist's thumb stroking over his ankle, his other hand tapping in time to the tempo of the song. 

He glanced down at his hands, where one of them was settled in Reggie’s hair. 

Hearing Julie get up from the piano stool and move to stand over him, stepping around Reggie, she glanced down at him, waiting for his response. 

Nick looked up enough so that she could see him nod and Julie moved to sit in his lap, leaning against him while his arms came around her waist, holding her in tight, “Didn’t realise you were such a _My Chem_ fan.” He turned his head to brush his lips over her cheek, closing his eyes as she pressed in closer against him. 

_“Now turn away, ‘cause I’m awful just to see, ‘cause all my hair’s abandoned all my body, all my agony, know that I will never marry.”_

Nick opened his eyes to look at Luke who was watching the two of them, concern evident on his face and in his eyes. 

_“Baby I’m just soggy from the chemo, but counting down the days to go. It just ain’t living, and I just hope you know that if you say, goodbye today, I’d ask you to be true, ‘cause the hardest part of this is leaving you.”_

Nick felt the emotions in the room shift as the remainder of the group heard the word ‘chemo’, it clicked in their heads what this song was about, why Julie had moved to sit on Nick and the reason for Willie’s glances. 

_“‘Cause the hardest past of this, is leaving you.”_

Reggie was the first to speak, getting to his feet and moving over to the turntable, pressing pause on the machine before the guitar and vocals could start on _Mama_. 

“Reg?” Julie questioned, pulling back from Nick so she could look at the bassist.

“It’s a great album,” He shifted, “So far.” He walked back over to them, looking at Julie, Nick and Luke on the couch before he dragged the coffee table away from the couch, “But it would be better if we cuddled.” He shrugged with a small smile. 

Luke grinned and nodded, pushing Nick’s feet off of his lap and starting to remove the pillows off the couch so they could pull it into a bed, “Great idea, Reg.” He wrapped his arms around Julie and pulled her to her feet, “Cmon, you two, up.” 

Nick smiled, getting to his feet where he was promptly pulled down onto Willie’s lap, the skaters strong arms wrapping around his middle.   
“You okay?” He asked. 

Nick relaxed back against his chest, nodding, “It’s just a song.” 

Willie had become another constant in his life since being possessed, and he felt that he’d made a good friend in the skater, he understood what it was like to be somewhat owned by Caleb, to be consumed and transfixed, while the ghost hadn’t experienced possession first hand like Nick had, Willie was comforting and solid. 

The couch was pulled out into a bed and Alex appeared at the foot of the bed with blankets and pillows from the loft, dumping them on the mattress where Reggie spread them out, motioning for the others to join them on the bed. 

“I don’t think we’re all going to fit, Reg.” Alex frowned, his eyes widening as he was pulled forward onto the bed, “Okay, okay.” He laughed, settling as Reggie tucked himself against his side. 

“You get in there,” Willie spoke, gently pushing Nick to standing, “I’ll start the album, we were up to _Mama_ , yeah?” 

Nick nodded, glancing to the bed that was now filled with the people he loved, Alex on the edge with enough room for Willie to slide in next to him, Reggie on the other side of the drummer, Julie with her head on Reggie’s stomach, her body between his legs and Luke on the edge of the bed, leaving enough room in the middle of the bed for Nick to slide in between them. 

He stepped around to the other side of the bed, feeling Luke’s hand steady him as he climbed over the guitarist and laid down, pressing his back to Reggie’s side, feeling Julie’s hand settle on his knee, while he rested his head on Luke’s chest. 

The opening to _Mama_ played as Willie settled in besides Alex, groaning at the small slither of bed he had, “I think we need a bigger bed if we’re going to keep this up.” The skater groaned, shifting enough so that he was wrapped around Alex. 

“The album is good, tell me more about emo?” Luke asked, brushing his lips over Nick’s forehead as he pulled him closer. 

Nick closed his eyes, feeling the familiar rise and fall of Luke’s chest, but the absence of a heartbeat in his chest, “It’s kinda always been around, even back in ‘95, but it really got going early 2000s, with these guys and a few other bands, you _have_ to listen to _Jimmy Eats World_ , they’re awesome as well. _Blink_ can kind of be considered emo? I know they had _Buddha_ , when you were alive as their demo, but emo is kind of just a mix of alt rock and pop punk and a few other genres? Basically if you can get a lot of emotionally focused lyrics in a song, it’s considered emo.” 

Nick felt Luke smile against his forehead. 

“What?” He questioned, shifting a little so he could look up at the brunet. 

“It’s just nice that there’s someone as enthusiastic in music as me, makes sense why you fell for me.” Luke smiled. 

Nick scoffed, “So I fell for you, hm?” He asked, “That’s not really what I remember happening on the beach.” 

Luke shrugged, “Blame the chemo for your crappy memory.” 

“Wow, Patterson.” Nick grinned, “Shut up and listen to the album before I make you shut up.” 

Luke grinned, “I’d like to see you try, Evans,” He answered, pressing another kiss to the top of Nick’s head, his grin getting wider as _Teenagers_ started playing through the speakers.

**Author's Note:**

> title taken from Light Surrounding You - Evermore.


End file.
